Hello Cruel World
I'm not exactly sure of where to start today. I'm crazy. That is just a bona fide fact. It turns out that this is actually my second dismissal. I thought that I was suspended last year but apparently that's not the case. So since this is my second dismissal, that means I have to stay out of school for.... a year. Which is why my reapplication was denied. So my dreams of going to school full-time this Fall semester and actually graduating before I hit 30 are now slightly dashed. It's not the school's fault. It's mine. I just don't have the tools to complete it. But I want to. I really do. I can't stay in a job that I hate making 17,000 gross a year. Who can live on that? I can BARELY live on that.
I started to read this book called, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's about a woman who travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia after her divorce to discover herself. I am about half-way through it. I'm hoping for some inspiration. I've sent out a prayer because I have no clue of what to do with my life now. I need inspiration, I need for the clouds to part, a bright light to shine down and a booming voice to tell me exactly what to do because I have no clue right now. I'm in a limbo and I hate that.
Also I'm in financial limbo as well. Last Thursday, and Friday I called in sick because, well I was sick. I was paid on Friday and I had not even had a chance to touch my paycheck until Saturday. Well I paid for the car to be fixed, and my Father actually gave me money for that. I went to the ATM to withdraw money for rent. I looked at my balance and I only have about $50 to last me two weeks. $50 is about what I need to fill up my gas tank for a week so I'm sort of fucked. So I guess I can go ahead and get a full-time job. I was going to enroll in a debt consolidation program. Full-time job means less time devoted to full-time studies. I feel that I've failed at life. I'm grasping at straws to overcome certain obstacles that I should have been able to overcome YEARS ago. I'm playing catch up. I guess the good thing is that I'm not in jail or anything. You always have to find the sunny side to every situation.
Tomorrow I start eating more healthily. I'm running out of cheese and pasta so that will help tremendously. The idea of calorie, fiber, and protein counting is very daunting and overwhelming. I've lost weight without doing that so I'm going to try to do it the way that I did it that time. I'm going to eat more slowly, and definitely try to cut down on the sweets.
So there are some changes going on. I have to take baby steps. Hopefully everything else will fall into place.
TTFN
I started to read this book called, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's about a woman who travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia after her divorce to discover herself. I am about half-way through it. I'm hoping for some inspiration. I've sent out a prayer because I have no clue of what to do with my life now. I need inspiration, I need for the clouds to part, a bright light to shine down and a booming voice to tell me exactly what to do because I have no clue right now. I'm in a limbo and I hate that.
Also I'm in financial limbo as well. Last Thursday, and Friday I called in sick because, well I was sick. I was paid on Friday and I had not even had a chance to touch my paycheck until Saturday. Well I paid for the car to be fixed, and my Father actually gave me money for that. I went to the ATM to withdraw money for rent. I looked at my balance and I only have about $50 to last me two weeks. $50 is about what I need to fill up my gas tank for a week so I'm sort of fucked. So I guess I can go ahead and get a full-time job. I was going to enroll in a debt consolidation program. Full-time job means less time devoted to full-time studies. I feel that I've failed at life. I'm grasping at straws to overcome certain obstacles that I should have been able to overcome YEARS ago. I'm playing catch up. I guess the good thing is that I'm not in jail or anything. You always have to find the sunny side to every situation.
Tomorrow I start eating more healthily. I'm running out of cheese and pasta so that will help tremendously. The idea of calorie, fiber, and protein counting is very daunting and overwhelming. I've lost weight without doing that so I'm going to try to do it the way that I did it that time. I'm going to eat more slowly, and definitely try to cut down on the sweets.
So there are some changes going on. I have to take baby steps. Hopefully everything else will fall into place.
TTFN
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