Shrinking Violet

Well... yesterday was quite a doozy. I went an hour and a half early into work to finish the bloodwork portion of my entire exam. The nurse was nice, a little space cadetish. She actually did not wear gloves. The day went slowly. But today I got the courage to respond to someone's ad on craigslist. His ad stated that he was looking for coffee and conversation. So I responded, we chatted for awhile. He proposed that we go have coffee and so we did. It was nice. I was with someone who showed up to the date. We talked, he was cute. His sense of humor was a little dry. He was suggesting coming to my place to watch a movie. You just don't invite yourself over to a person's place. So he settled on the theatre. We chose the Incredible Hulk, I had seen it before but it was a good movie so I didn't mind seeing it again. We got there and we chatted before we went inside. He reiterated how much he loved big women. How if he knew me better he would love to hold me. I said it might happen if there are scary parts in the movie. He told me to feel free to grab him. I thought this was in jest because who talks about this stuff on a first date. So we go into the theatre, it reeks of carpet cleaner. He said that he likes to sit in the very back of the theatre. So we sat in the back, while we were sitting he said something to the effect of how I should go against the grain and kiss someone in the theater. So I did. He was a good kisser and he said that my lips were plump and he nibbled on my lips which I love. He wrapped his arms around which was so nice. Men haven't showed me any public display of affection so it was nice and I wanted to relish in it. He was talking again about coming over and asking if my brother was protective of me. I'm sure that he wasn't interested in my familial relationships. Anyway we made out and he was touching me and squeezing me and his hands were traveling to my private parts, but I stopped him before he could go further. I just thought that he was attracted to me and just couldn't help himself. Well he wanted to know about intercourse, and he said that he would respect my wishes. So I told him that I was waiting for Mr. Right, and that I want to be intimate with someone that I care about. So he said okay. We continued to cuddle and then he said he was going to get a drink. Well he went to go get a drink. So I waited and waited. It was taking quite a bit. I thought well maybe there's a long line at the concession stand. Then I thought if he doesn't come back by the scene in the park then I know that I would have been stood up. Well...that scene in the movie came. So now I'm faced with the dilemma as to when I shall leave and save face. Should I stay until the end and cry during the entire movie or should I leave during a great action sequence and cry then. Well I chose the latter. I walked down all those stairs, my eyes rapidly searched the lobby as I passed through it, no date. I walked outside and scanned the parking lot, no date. I did see a red Toyota drive away. I walked to my car trying to hold myself together. I again checked for his car, a red Toyota, in my aisle since we parked close together. It was not there. I shed a few tears before taking a deep breathe and eventually driving out of the parking lot. I thought I was okay. I called my brother and all of the emotions of being humiliated and rejected just came rushing out. I was crying hysterically and I had to slow down and then pull over because I just couldn't contain my emotions. I feel hurt and my pride is bruised. I just couldn't understand how he couldn't stick it out through the rest of the movie. Was it really that hard? An hour and 15 minutes more to go. You could just say that you didn't feel chemistry. But to actually walk out in the middle of a date after you portrayed yourself to be this honest stand up guy and you can't just say that I'm not that into you? I mean you can't sit through a movie with me, you have to sneak out like you're a thief in the night. Even when I think about it I just burst into tears. I had no idea that men could be so callous and insensitive. What does that say about me when I continue to pick these guys. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet because I'm just so distraught. I even cried when the commercial came on for the Incredible Hulk. This sucks huge! It's so hard trusting men in general. I know that I should just get over it but it's hard. Right now I just feel like closing myself off from the world because I don't want anybody to hurt me. I'm tired of it.

I hate men!

Ta.