What is wrong with me?
Let me give you some backstory. I was accepted back into school. I was going to receive Financial Aid to pay for schooling. Keyword is was. Since I was dismissed from school, my school sent back the money to the financial institution that lent me the money. Then the Financial Aid office said that I had to fill out the FAFSA paperwork again. Now since it's close to the beginning of the school year. It will take 6 to 12 weeks for my school to process my paperwork. The courses that I registered for will drop on August 25th. So in other words I'm screwed. Or so I thought...
I decided to ask my Mom for the money. To be honest, my schooling costs much, much less than my Brother's so I thought that it would not be that big of a deal. Well... No not really. After a few dramatic fights, a lie or two, and some explanation on my brother's behalf, I finally received a check yesterday. Cut to this morning. I was just chilling, watching tv. I stopped whatever I was watching and turned to whatever my Mom wanted to watch. It has positively killed me because today is the day that I've FINALLY been able to watch an Olympic event because the tv has been monopolized with Law & Order episodes that she's seen 7 or 8 times already. So I sat and watched tv with her, then my mom proceeded to question me. Now I love my mother very much, but sometimes she just likes to mind fuck you, play head games. Then pretend or she possibly doesn't know that certain things hurt my feelings or my set me off. Set me off is a bit of an understatement. My dear Mom told me that I just needed to snap out of my depression, that perhaps shock treatments would help, and that I was a ghetto hood rat because I listened to music and I watched movies. I picked up all of my stuff out of the living room and I handed that tuition check back. Perhaps a stupid decision since she's old and can't change. I should have let whatever she said roll off my back. I should have swallowed my pride and just let it go. The thing is that I couldn't. I was feeling good about myself and I felt that things were looking up for me. Then that was taken away with a chat with my Mom. Sometime's she's just so caustic. I just don't want to be beholden to my Mom. She holds things over you and I am eternally grateful and indebted to her for what she's done for me. Do I need to be reminded constantly? No. Just because I don't give you my entire paycheck doesn't mean that I don't love you with all my heart. I know that it's extremely possible that I've jeopardized my future. But I've swallowed my pride already. If I can't get assistance from my Mom and she can't accept me then I'll have to make my way in life on my own terms. Maybe I'm just not meant for school. Who the fuck knows?
I decided to ask my Mom for the money. To be honest, my schooling costs much, much less than my Brother's so I thought that it would not be that big of a deal. Well... No not really. After a few dramatic fights, a lie or two, and some explanation on my brother's behalf, I finally received a check yesterday. Cut to this morning. I was just chilling, watching tv. I stopped whatever I was watching and turned to whatever my Mom wanted to watch. It has positively killed me because today is the day that I've FINALLY been able to watch an Olympic event because the tv has been monopolized with Law & Order episodes that she's seen 7 or 8 times already. So I sat and watched tv with her, then my mom proceeded to question me. Now I love my mother very much, but sometimes she just likes to mind fuck you, play head games. Then pretend or she possibly doesn't know that certain things hurt my feelings or my set me off. Set me off is a bit of an understatement. My dear Mom told me that I just needed to snap out of my depression, that perhaps shock treatments would help, and that I was a ghetto hood rat because I listened to music and I watched movies. I picked up all of my stuff out of the living room and I handed that tuition check back. Perhaps a stupid decision since she's old and can't change. I should have let whatever she said roll off my back. I should have swallowed my pride and just let it go. The thing is that I couldn't. I was feeling good about myself and I felt that things were looking up for me. Then that was taken away with a chat with my Mom. Sometime's she's just so caustic. I just don't want to be beholden to my Mom. She holds things over you and I am eternally grateful and indebted to her for what she's done for me. Do I need to be reminded constantly? No. Just because I don't give you my entire paycheck doesn't mean that I don't love you with all my heart. I know that it's extremely possible that I've jeopardized my future. But I've swallowed my pride already. If I can't get assistance from my Mom and she can't accept me then I'll have to make my way in life on my own terms. Maybe I'm just not meant for school. Who the fuck knows?
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