Thankful?

Today is Turkey day. I am very thankful for my family who has put up with me and financially supported me this year. I couldn't have a better family. I'm a bit concerned about something. I am supposed to have some psych testing done. There is a sneaking suspicion that I'm bipolar. My mom thinks my dad is bipolar, the medications that I've been on have stopped working at some point, my ability to go from happy to sad in the matter of seconds. At the moment I wouldn't say that I'm suicidal but I don't think I'd mind if I died in my sleep tonight. I just really don't know what's wrong with me. I feel as if a good portion of my life has been wasted and for naught because I've been in this mental illness fog. I'm trying to correct things in my life and the struggle to do so is just hard and painful. I do try to keep strong and keep at it but it's exhausting. It's just a daily struggle to try to keep things together and I just don't know if I have the strength or the wherewithal to do it anymore.